January brings the snow,
Makes our feet and fingers glow.
(from The Garden Year by Sara Coleridge)
I can remember as a child reading the poem from which the January quote at the top of this page comes. I always thought that Sara Coleridge's words must be right and that is how the weather should be each month of the year. I was disappointed when it wasn't. As I grew up I came to the realisation that the world isn't like that and as I have grown older I have found that, for me at least, January brings the gloom. It's the month of the year when my SAD hits worse than all others. Maybe because we have the bright lights and family get togethers of Christmas and then, come January, the lights and decorations have gone, family have departed to their various homes and the dark days press down on me more. Far from bringing snow, the month usually only brings dark, dull days and lots of rain. Plenty of time indoors to reflect and remember. January brings many sad memories and Facebook has a habit of reminding me of them. This year has been harder again because it began with the loss of one friend and then another passed in the middle of the month. Unfortunately both funerals were today, at the same time. I could only attend one. January has really hit hard.
My mother would tell me that it is no use moping or complaining, that that won't help me or others, She would say never to apologise for caring and it's good to cry for a while when you lose someone but then you must focus on continuing life for yourself and those around you. 'Look for something beautiful' she'd say. So today that is just what I have done. I have seen huge numbers come out to say goodbye - a sure sign of being loved - and that is beautiful. I watched the drizzle turn to sunshine as the funeral ended. I saw my first snowdrops at the cemetery. My mother always came home with a smile on her face each year when she had discovered her first snowdrops 'The worst of winter is over' she would say 'Spring is on its way.' I would watch my mother's mood lift and she would sing as she pottered around the house.
Today those snowdrops lifted me. They told me that winter is nearly over, that better days lie ahead. They brought back memories of my mother and in doing so reminded me that no-one is ever really gone, so long as love for them beats in our hearts and memories of them play in our heads. I am lucky enough to have very happy memories of many fine friends to make me smile on a dark winter's day. I have photos of fun and crazy times, fancy dress, birthday parties, holidays, sports events, us all wearing the weirdest clothes which we thought were cool at the time. I have folders where relatives and friends have written poems and recipes. I look at their handwriting and remember the time that I asked for each recipe and they patiently wrote it down despite having a million other things to do. The more that I think about it my Mum is right I should be smiling at my life and its memories because I have been so lucky to have such amazing people in my life. They shared their love and their time for which I am eternally grateful. They have given me encouragement when it was needed and, as true friends do, firm words when I really had to hear them.
So tomorrow begins a new month. I intend to take that month and use it to look forward and watch for the beauty and the joy in each day. While I pick myself up I will spend it with my lovely family but I will use my time to make new memories and share love and laughter. I will plant summer bulbs and tidy my garden. I will also take time out just for me to read, to be quiet and reflect. That time is needed sometimes, especially as the winter weather continues but then I will get up again and have some fun. Then maybe come March I'll be ready to explore and try new things, The days will be lighter, there will be new life all around me and I will smile, look up at my Mum in heaven and tell her 'Oh Mum, you were right, it is a beautiful world and I will enjoy every minute I spend in it.' Because, after all, that is why we are here - to live, love and share happiness.
