On Friday we enter March. At the start of the year I said that I was going to work hard at living in the moment rather than planning endlessly and worrying about not getting things done or what's going to happen next. I've always been an anxious adult but I'm reaching the age where I realise what a lot of time I wasted worrying about things that never actually happened and how I never did worry like that as a child. "2024 is to be the year I rediscover my inner child I said."
So, how is it going? On the whole pretty well. I'm learning to step back, that I don't have to do everything right away, that it's okay not to complete every task I used to plan so meticulously. And I'm feeling happier for it. I don't think I've actually hit one S.A.D. slump this year. As I said last month this could be because my Vitamin D levels are finally normal but I also think it's helped that I have stopped piling stress onto myself. Even the weather isn't getting to me. I talk about it a lot but it isn't getting to me.
Well that all sounds good doesn't it? Well done Janet. But is it all perfect? No, though it would be odd if it was really. I have a new thing to work on. I still get anxious and have the odd sleepless night worrying about the children and decisions they have to make in their futures. That's it you see, I have to remind myself that it's THEIR futures and THEIR decisions. That is my new 'To work on'. I have to remember that they are all grown up now - strong, intelligent people quite capable of deciding their futures for themselves. If they want advice they will ask for it. What if they make a wrong decision? It will mean that they are human (if there is one person on this earth who has never made a wrong decision then they are an alien life form) and it will help them grow too. It is not my job to interfere, it is my job to trust them to decide for themselves and to be there should they make a mistake and need me. That is what a mother's job is - to raise your children to be strong, confident adults and then to trust them to go out into the world on their own, fearlessly independent but knowing that there is back up at home should they need it. So what should I work on? Reminding myself (as Mark Rylance's character in Bridge of Spies would advise) that there is no point in worrying, it won't help. That is my next part of learning to live in the moment. It may take a while, as most wise changes do but I will work at it.
This month has been a fun one, mostly deciding on the day. Eating out, visiting places, decorating, realising that our winter weather really isn't as bad as I think (while knitting my weather blanket). We have celebrated Chinese New Year, Valentine's Day, Pancake Day and entered Lent. We've celebrated special birthdays and had an impromptu tour of our local Catholic church courtesy of a very kind priest who saw us taking photos and admiring the area. If you ever get the chance, St Mary's Church in Little Crosby Village is beautiful and well worth a visit. When you are given its history by someone who knows it so well and has fun stories about it it's even better.
So what about March. As I say, I intend to work at being a more relaxed Mum. Apart from that I've looked in my almanac and it's a very busy month. If I need something to distract me there's:
1st March - St David's Day, time to maybe bring more daffodils in to my porch display and get back to practising my Welsh on Duolingo.
5th March - St Piran's Day - patron saint of Cornwall and tin miners. If it's a rainy day it might be a good day to research him and make a clotted cream tea.
8th March - International Women's Day - A day to think about the women's rights movement, to focus on gender equality, reproductive rights and violence and abuse against women.
10th March - Mothering Sunday - a day to be grateful to all our mothers and those who have acted like one in our lives. (also a day off for me)
Ramadan also begins today at sundown. Maybe time I learned about this again. It's a long time since I studied other faiths at university.
13th March - Today (if the night is clear) you can see a close approach of the moon and Jupiter. They'll appear at dusk in the southwest at about 18:30 and will set at 22:20 in the northwest.
17th March - St Patrick's Day - a good day to learn some of the history of Ireland and maybe read some poetry by W. B. Yeats or Seamus Heaney.
20th March - Spring Equinox - the beginning of astronomical spring. A great day to take a walk and admire nature.
23rd March - Purim begins at sundown. Again maybe time I learned more.
24th March - Mercury is furthest from the sun and easiest to see. It can be seen for a few days before and after this date. Look in the direction of sunset closest to the horizon from about 19:00.
25th March - Holi, more to be learned and spring celebrated.
31st March - Easter Sunday - the most important date of the year in my faith and one for celebration. Maybe we'll even have the weather for an outside picnic.
As you can see there is plenty to do in March. I won't do them all. I'm deciding my life one day at a time these days and I have so many fun things to enjoy as well as practical things to do. It's just nice to have things to refer back to as days come round.
So the plan is to continue to live in the moment, get out walking and to focus on worrying less. Every step forward is an achievement and every slip is a reminder that I am still human but I know that I can try again. Life is brighter just with the steps that I have taken. Now it's time that I stopped prattling, today is a beautifully sunny day so it's best to crack on and enjoy it.
I'll check in again as April approaches and let you know how my inner child is getting on.
