Yesterday and today I stayed home. It was just too peopley out there. It's been a busy few weeks and I'm all peopled out. When I hit this stage I can't visit, chat on the phone or interact at all. I may post odd things on social media, basically thoughts appearing in my head but I sure don't want to talk to anybody.
Often people find this strange because, as my Dad used to say 'You were vaccinated with a gramophone needle!' and when I feel sociable I can talk for England, you really can't shut me up. But then sometimes, like now, I get peopled out and I really need a cottage on its own in woodland and silence. Every little thing becomes something major. I'm already stressing that I have coffee duty at church coming up. What if I'm not sociable again by then? I'm letting people down, I'll have to go and then my stress level will escalate. Having ADHD often makes me overthink and over worry. Then my reset strategies stop working, because instead of resetting I just stress more over things that do not need stressing over and solutions do not sound viable.
We have neighbours carrying out building work, it has to be done but the noise when I need peace to reset is a big deal. At the moment any little thing is a big thing. I really need my reset time.
Perhaps this week I'll manage a walk along the beach or find some quiet time in my garden getting it ready for summer, just some time where my head doesn't have to think.
I don't expect solutions or anything from anyone. Sometimes you just need to speak out into the void and hope that somewhere in that void your words will settle and your mind can then settle too. Spilling out those thoughts can make room in your head for silence and right now that's what I need - some silence in my head. When all is well I can empty my head totally and I relax (Many of my family ask how), but when I get to the all peopled out stage my head fills with thoughts and conversations and feels like it is too busy in there and will burst.
But eventually my head will settle, the silence will come and I can carry on with the world, happy and content. In the meantime bear with me while I try to settle.
