Spring, new hopes, new beginnings, new you!

When winter came my mother used to shut down. She hated winter, She would be in bed before 9 pm, (when she was a child she would go up and settle at 5 to escape the dark nights and sleep right through). She said it felt like the world was dead and it made her sad. I could never understand this. I loved every season, autumn being my favourite of all, such rich colours and abundance of fruits. I loved crisp winter walks. Mum said it was too cold, too dark and there wasn't any colour to lift your moods through the gloomy, drizzly days. She would begin to come alive as spring arrived. I suppose in this day and age you would say that she suffered from S.A.D. - my mum just said that she was designed to hibernate like bears, /To be honest, she practically did!

As I have grown older, and particularly these last few years, I have become more like my mother. Little by little I have lost enthusiasm for my beloved autumn, it now seems sad, almost as though the year has grown old and is dying. Far too many people have died on me these last few years and autumn now seems to remind me of that. Last autumn I could still admire the beauty but I just felt sad. Even Christmas, which I still used to get excited about, has finally lost its sparkle.

The above may sound sad but I don't think that it is. I think that I have finally grown up and moved on to a new phase of my life. Maybe autumn was the season of my youth and spring is to be the season of my adulthood.

As spring has approached this year I have started to feel so much perkier and more positive. The plans I have. So much to do, so many new experiences to try. I have stopped dwelling on the past for the first time in god knows how long. Everything I think is about the future. My daughter told me the other day that I seem happy and confident these days. I do actually feel it. Talking through things with someone has made me realise that I have always tried to fit other people's view of who I should be and felt guilt about letting people down when it was no fault of my own. I am viewing myself and the world through a whole new window - and I like it. I have the courage to say no without explaining myself to people and I have the confidence to say yes when I want to as well. It is tremendously freeing. But oh how much time I have wasted just not being me. I would recommend everybody tries being themselves sometimes. It is truly wonderful. And, surprisingly, people like it too. One of my friends actually told me the other day that I have changed so much in recent years, becoming so much more confident and independent. She says she loves it!

And, as this spring approaches I am beginning to feel excited about all the new possibilities and, like the bluetit above, am making future plans and that future is so bright. My husband and children are the focus of my life but, I now also have a little bit of time to explore being Janet and that is oh so much freedom. My husband is probably already beginning to panic at the possibilities but I am just very excited. Who knows where my dreams will take me? Spring is a time for new beginnings and this year I intend to make the most of it!