Well this is a little late

 

First of all, apologies for the lateness of this end of April blog. My excuse is tiredness and being a little poorly last week. Anyway here it finally is.

My decision at the beginning of the year was to try to live in the moment. This has been serving me well. Sometimes, however, it is not always possible. There are times when we have to fit around other people. April was one of those months. We had so many visitors and so many places booked for us to visit that our feet barely touched the ground. It has been both wonderful and exhausting. We have visited lovely places both locally and the length of the country from Devon to Edinburgh.

So what have I learned this month? Firstly, that I love my family and friends and think that the tiredness was worth all the travel for the time spent together. Secondly, that I'm not a spring chicken any more and I have to learn to pace myself. In future if I have one busy weekend I shall take the next weekend off before I have another busy one. Thirdly, as I learned during the pandemic, I am part hermit. I need my quiet time and that is okay, it is part of me - and part of living in the moment for me is finding moments to just be, to rest my head and do nothing. I will be sure to allocate alone time in future, it is needed. For me too much rushing from one thing and one conversation to another is too much, sometimes I have to just be.

We are each of us different some need to be constantly surrounded by people and out all the time but some of us need lots of quiet hibernation time too. Both are valid. What is important in life is to find out who you were meant to be and to be that person. As my Mum would tell you, the people who really matter will accept you for who you are, even if that is different to them.

So what about May? Well I intend to take a few weeks to just be quiet and antisocial to reset my head, then I will maybe join in with some of the exciting events of the month. I've already missed May Day/Beltane/International Workers' Day. I missed the Dawn Chorus and Beating the Bounds yesterday - which was also Orthodox Easter (I'm happy to share your chocolate if you are celebrating). 

So what is to come?

9th May   Ascension Day - I may buy some white and yellow flowers for my porch and redecorate it in a white and yellow theme. Today is also Europe Day a day for celebrating peace and unity in Europe. I may add the flag of Europe to my porch display.

12th May  International Nurses Day - Florence Nightingale's birthday and a day to  remember all the wonderful nurses around the world.  

Today is also National Children's Day in the UK a day to focus on the importance of a healthy childhood and protecting the rights of children. Plenty to think about in our country where some children go to school hungry. Even if a foodbank donation is all I can do today I will do that.

19th May  Whit Sunday - I always remember my mother telling me that, as children, she and my aunt were always bought new clothes for Whit Sunday. I may treat myself to a new dress for church this year.

20th May    World Bee Day - to raise the importance of our pollinators and to ensure our gardens are bee friendly. Today I may plant extra bee lavender, they seem to like that.

26th May  Towel Day - for those of us who love Douglas Adams (thank you for getting me into University Mr Adams) today is a day for openly carrying your towel around all day because as every Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy fan knows you Don't Panic and you always carry a towel.

29th May - National Biscuit Day - I may try a new biscuit recipe today

So, as you see, there is plenty to keep me busy in May, if that's what I choose, but I will also find time to rest and just be me. There is a time for everything and, as I am learning this year, which it is will be decided on the day.

How Goes the Reprogramming?

Goodness we are at the end of March already (a few days early I know but we have so many visitors coming this weekend that the blog will have to be a little premature this month), spring has sprung - look at the tulips and daffodils, not the rain hitting the window! All is well with the world.

You may remember that at the start of the year I decided that I would attempt to destress myself and try to live one day at a time and not always be worrying about tomorrow. So, how is that going? On the whole pretty well. Some outing plans have gone awry but we just re-planned the day and had fun anyway. We've had visits from and to family and friends and they have always brought a smile to my face.

So is it all tickety-boo, and have I become worry free? Of course not, I'm still human after all. In the middle of the month a relative was rushed to hospital and remained seriously ill for a while. No worry Janet stopped even attempting to be no worry. Once I got over the initial shock I did tell myself that there was nothing I could do apart from be here. Illness really is something you have to take one day at a time. Of course I didn't stay that calm about it and the stress did start to build up and, despite pottering about as usual, I started to get rather angsty about many things, a lot of them things that I didn't need to be angsty about. Just as I was starting to get really stressed, thanks to our wonderful NHS, the relative turned a corner and began to pick up and continues to improve, I'm pleased to say.

To help reset my head my wonderful husband took me on a day trip to my most magical of places - Haworth, home of my beloved Bronte sisters. We had a super day, the Parsonage displays were as good as always and we even got to wear hats!

Of course from the Parsonage we carried on to Heptonstall to visit Sylvia Plath's grave and the ruins of the old church of St Thomas a Becket which I can just wander round for ages. Two places that for some reason always make me feel peaceful and contemplative.

So, a little better news and a visit to two of my favourite places and my head was resetting. It was time to get back on track and look for the best part of each day, and there are so many good parts of each day. I have a lovely family, wonderful friends, a roof over my head, food to eat and a pretty little garden and that is just to start.

Soon we move into April, such a pretty month and my head reprogramming continues. I shall keep taking one day at a time and see what comes. So what is happening in April that I can possibly dip into when the days come round?

1st April - Easter Monday and a chance to relax with family and enjoy the Bank Holiday - guess who'll be reading?

As it's also April Fools Day it might be a good day to research some famous fools.

9th April - Eid al-Fitr - the Islamic celebration of the end of Ramadan - a good day to bake and give it to neighbours.

10th April - Tonight there is a brief close approach of the Moon and Jupiter, starting in the West at about 20:30 so a good time to do a little sky gazing.

14th April - St Tiburtius' Day - this is the day when cuckoos traditionally start singing so will be a super day for a nature walk.

22nd April - Passover begins - maybe time for me to learn a little more about this celebration. It's a long time since, at college, we went to a Passover meal as part of our studies.

23rd April - St George's Day - time for me to learn a little more about St George and why he became our patron saint. Maybe a god day to bake a nice cake too.

23rd April is also the start of the Asparagus season so this is a good time to find some new asparagus recipes.

As the days get lighter this month is also a good time to take some pleasant walks, visit family and friends more and spend a little more time in the garden. But let's not plan too much - I'll decide on the day!

Now all that is left for me to do is wish a Very Happy Easter to those who celebrate xxx

So How is it Going? (can we really live worry-free like a child?)

 

On Friday we enter March. At the start of the year I said that I was going to work hard at living in the moment rather than planning endlessly and worrying about not getting things done or what's going to happen next. I've always been an anxious adult but I'm reaching the age where I realise what a lot of time I wasted worrying about things that never actually happened and how I never did worry like that as a child. "2024 is to be the year I rediscover my inner child I said."

So, how is it going? On the whole pretty well. I'm learning to step back, that I don't have to do everything right away, that it's okay not to complete every task I used to plan so meticulously. And I'm feeling happier for it. I don't think I've actually hit one S.A.D. slump this year. As I said last month this could be because my Vitamin D levels are finally normal but I also think it's helped that I have stopped piling stress onto myself. Even the weather isn't getting to me. I talk about it a lot but it isn't getting to me.

Well that all sounds good doesn't it? Well done Janet. But is it all perfect? No, though it would be odd if it was really. I have a new thing to work on. I still get anxious and have the odd sleepless night worrying about the children and decisions they have to make in their futures. That's it you see, I have to remind myself that it's THEIR futures and THEIR decisions. That is my new 'To work on'. I have to remember that they are all grown up now - strong, intelligent people quite capable of deciding their futures for themselves. If they want advice they will ask for it. What if they make a wrong decision? It will mean that they are human (if there is one person on this earth who has never made a wrong decision then they are an alien life form) and it will help them grow too. It is not my job to interfere, it is my job to trust them to decide for themselves and to be there should they make a mistake and need me. That is what a mother's job is - to raise your children to be strong, confident adults and then to trust them to go out into the world on their own, fearlessly independent but knowing that there is back up at home should they need it. So what should I work on? Reminding myself (as Mark Rylance's character in Bridge of Spies would advise) that there is no point in  worrying, it won't help. That is my next part of learning to live in the moment. It may take a while, as most wise changes do but I will work at it.

This month has been a fun one, mostly deciding on the day. Eating out, visiting places, decorating, realising that our winter weather really isn't as bad as I think (while knitting my weather blanket). We have celebrated Chinese New Year, Valentine's Day, Pancake Day and entered Lent. We've celebrated special birthdays and had an impromptu tour of our local Catholic church courtesy of a very kind priest who saw us taking photos and admiring the area. If you ever get the chance, St Mary's Church in Little Crosby Village is beautiful and well worth a visit. When you are given its history by someone who knows it so well and has fun stories about it it's even better.

So what about March. As I say, I intend to work at being a more relaxed Mum. Apart from that I've looked in my almanac and it's a very busy month. If I need something to distract me there's:

1st March -  St David's Day, time to maybe bring more daffodils in to my porch display and get back to practising my Welsh on Duolingo.

5th March - St Piran's Day - patron saint of Cornwall and tin miners. If it's a rainy day it might be a good day to research him and make a clotted cream tea.

8th March - International Women's Day - A day to think about the women's rights movement, to focus on gender equality, reproductive rights and violence and abuse against women. 

10th March - Mothering Sunday - a day to be grateful to all our mothers and those who have acted like one in our lives. (also a day off for me)   

              Ramadan also begins today at sundown. Maybe time I learned about this again. It's a long time since I studied other faiths at university.

13th March - Today (if the night is clear) you can see a close approach of the moon and Jupiter. They'll appear at dusk in the southwest at about 18:30 and will set at 22:20 in the northwest.

17th March - St Patrick's Day - a good day to learn some of the history of Ireland and maybe read some poetry by W. B. Yeats or Seamus Heaney.

20th March - Spring Equinox - the beginning of astronomical spring. A great day to take a walk and admire nature.

23rd March - Purim begins at sundown. Again maybe time I learned more.

24th March - Mercury is furthest from the sun and easiest to see. It can be seen for a few days before and after this date. Look in the direction of sunset closest to the horizon from about 19:00.

25th March - Holi, more to be learned and spring celebrated.

31st March - Easter Sunday - the most important date of the year in my faith and one for celebration. Maybe we'll even have the weather for an outside picnic.

As you can see there is plenty to do in March. I won't do them all. I'm deciding my life one day at a time these days and I have so many fun things to enjoy as well as practical things to do. It's just nice to have things to refer back to as days come round. 

So the plan is to continue to live in the moment, get out walking and to focus on worrying less. Every step forward is an achievement and every slip is a reminder that I am still human but I know that I can try again. Life is brighter just with the steps that I have taken. Now it's time that I stopped prattling, today is a beautifully sunny day so it's best to crack on and enjoy it.

I'll check in again as April approaches and let you know how my inner child is getting on.

On trying to relearn living in the present

Well, I said that I would check in at the end of January and let you know how my trying to live in the present was going. If you remember my last blog, at the start of the year I said that I would stop planning, stop making far too many lists, as they were constraining me, and try to take each day as it comes just as I did in childhood. So how is that going?

The short answer is - very well. I have really surprised myself. I used to set myself lists of chores to do for that day and if I didn't get through them all I felt like a failure. Many days I would skip walks or fun things because I knew if I did those then I wouldn't get through all my chores. How ridiculous is that? Very, I know. This year, so far, the only lists that have been made are menus, shopping lists and feel-good activity lists and do you know something - life has been so much easier and so much happier.

My son and I had trips out and I didn't worry about catching up on chores when I got home, I took lots of walks and really enjoyed them - and the house didn't get dirty and the washing didn't pile up. Even when Covid hit it didn't cause my usual winter SAD to kick in. I was miserable for a few days because I felt rotten but, once I was over the worse, I slept, read and knitted and I didn't worry about what wasn't getting done. By the time I got the negative test I was a bit fed up of the indoors but that was it, no big worry. I continue to take each day as it comes.

On the first of January I started to knit a weather blanket. Even that has helped my mood.

Usually I only remember the gloomy overcast days in January but just look at that blanket, yes there have been overcast days but do you see how many days of blue skies and sunshine we have had too?

January has been a rather fine month considering - even with the two storms (The green rows are the strong winds) - and that isn't a bad start to a year. We've embraced Hygge here and had lots of fairy lights to brighten the gloomy days, warm blankets, snuggly socks and hot chocolates. My husband made lambswool (a hot cider drink with roasted apples) and we went out to wassail our apple trees on old twelfth night. We sang wassailing songs, talked to and blessed the trees, hung toast on the branches and scattered some of the lambswool around the roots. We then sat to watch the stars for a while as we drank our lambswool. Unfortunately I was coming down with Covid and didn't stay out as long as I would have but it was fun. Can't wait for next year.

I usually have my reading planned out months in advance too. Something else that was constraining. This month I have picked up whatever book I felt like at the time and I have really had fun with my reading.

As I have enjoyed living in the moment so much I am going to continue through February. I shall live one day at the time. I have had a look at my almanac to see what events/celebrations are coming up and I may try to join in with some of those:

1st February is Imbolc, also known as Saint Brigid's Day. It marks the beginning of spring. I shall get myself out walking again, look for signs of spring around me and enjoy the daily progress of nature. I may change my porch display to be more spring like and colourful too.

1st February is also the start of LGBTQ+ history month - the theme this year is Medicine #UnderTheScope - a prompt to celebrate the work of LGBTQ+ people that have made significant contributions to the field of medicine. It's also an opportunity to shine a light on the discrimination and inequalities that LGBTQ+ people have historically experienced in healthcare settings, and still face to this day. I intend to educate myself more about this.

2nd February is Candlemas - a celebration of the presenting of Christ at the Temple. It's also the time to take down your Christmas trees if they are still up. Snowdrops used to be known as Candlemas bells because that was the time you were sure to see them. I may go on a snowdrop hunt on this day.

10th February is the Lunar New Year - Chinese New Year, this year it is the Year of the Greenwood Dragon. Another good time to celebrate. We have lots of events in Liverpool City Centre for this and I think that I may cook up a Chinese banquet too.

February 13th is Shrove Tuesday and my lovely daughter will be home for half term so we shall make pancakes together with lots of  different fillings

February 14th is St Valentine's Day - a day to celebrate love, not just romantic love but the love between parents and children, the love between friends and the love we share with pets. It's a genuinely all round positive day, just celebrating love in its many forms.

February 29th is leap day - we have a whole extra day this year. My plan is to decide on the day but do something really fun to celebrate having the gift of an extra day to the year.

So that's some of the celebrations that I may join in with but most of all I intend to live in and for the moment. I shall look for the joy and the gifts of each day, celebrate them and hopefully find as much happiness in February as I did in January.

To Live Like A Child

 

Time moves on. That is one thing that I do know. Time most definitely moves on. My mother knew that and she taught me to make the most of every moment and, sadly, that is one thing that I have forgotten in recent years. When my winter SAD kicks in I spend my time wishing for the arrival of spring and the lighter days. I start making spring and summer plans to give me 'something to look forward to'. My Mum would tell me "You're wishing your life away Janet" and, do you know something, she would be right. I have spent a lot of winters doing just that and wasting precious moments of my life. Following a discussion with a friend a few years back who also suffers with SAD we decided that something that helps our moods is doing things we did in childhood - maybe colouring, reading a favourite book from childhood, watching a favourite childhood movie, all these things seem to help just a little.

Lately, when I have felt my mood begin to dip I have thought a lot about that. This time of year is always hard because we seem to have had a lot of sad things happen in December/January over the years. my Mum would tell me they don't happen more at this time of year, it's just that you notice them more and remember them more because of the season. If I made a record I'm sure that I'd find sad events spread evenly throughout the year - and happy ones too. Again my Mum would be right. The more I have thought about my childhood recently the more I have realised that sad things happened then too but somehow I handled them better. Why? Because I was a child and I lived in the moment. I was sad about sad events but then I moved on and enjoyed whatever was coming next. I didn't dwell. As a child if you've done something wrong you apologise and move on. As an adult you can dwell about how you made a wrong decision and who it affected. Dwelling doesn't do anybody any good. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it and use it to move forward and be better next time just as children do. You learn right through your life and you grow through it.

So my only resolution for 2024 is to take a leaf from my childhood book and live in the moment. I won't go into January thinking I must plan something for the spring/summer to give me something to look forward to. I will live in January, and in February and onwards. With a Christmas voucher I bought a 2024 Almanac to help me focus on each month. I will look at celebrations, the night sky, folklore, tide times (I live on the coast, I should know them), nature etc. I will take walks and celebrate the area in which I live and the seasonal changes about me.

Just looking at January I already have:

1) New Year's Day which is also International Self Care Day a day to think about our mental and physical health, to take some time to plan how to look after ourselves for a whole year (or maybe just one day at a time) - and when we are on top form we can look after others so we're helping them too with our necessary pauses to recharge.

2) On the 3rd and 4th January it is the peak of the Quadrantid meteor shower. You never know we may get some clear skies on one of those nights and how better to spend an evening than making a hot chocolate, wrapping up warm and going out to watch a shower in the skies.

3) 5th January is Twelfth Night - the day to take down the decorations, start the Christmas cake and read some festive poetry

4)  6th January isThe Feast of the Epiphany - for this year I intend to celebrate by reading T S Eliot's Ariel Poems and playing some Epiphany carols on my piano.

5) 17th January - this is old Twelfth Night, before the Gregorian calendar, and the date that many people still choose for wassailing. We intend to wassail the apple trees in our garden, though this year we must tell the neighbours before they wonder what on earth is going on with the clanging of pans and caterwauling in the garden.

6)  20th January - the moon visits Pleiades - the moon passes by the Pleiades star cluster, you can spot the star cluster through binoculars and you may be able to spot the moon in the same view if you have wide field binoculars. The moon will only be a week away from being full so should be very bright. How beautiful will that look?

7) 25th January - Burns Night - a night for Haggis, Neeps and Tatties, listening to Scottish music and reading Robert Burns' poetry

8)  27th/28th January Is the RSPB Big Garden Birdwatch

9) 31st January is National Hot Chocolate Day - if it's a clear night wrap up warm, make a hot chocolate with all the trimmings and sit out on a garden bench and star gaze.

So January has many delights and if I add in walks, appreciating all my local borough has to offer, and making a note of seasonal vegetables and cooking with the season it will keep me busy. My Almanac tells me to make a space for each month to bring nature into the house - just like the Nature tables of my youth. I shall try to change my porch display each month, maybe nature, maybe something else, and I shall work on improving my garden, another seasonal activity. With all that and my books I should be kept very busy.

I think that I am going to enjoy living in the moment in 2024. I shall let you know at the end of January how it is going and maybe tell you some of my plans for February. I know some days I will find it hard but I will try to make myself go out and walk even on rainy days because that bit of daylight makes all the difference as, I think, will taking one day at a time. Wish me luck xx

On Learning To Love Autumn Again

My mother always struggled with winter. Her happiness returned with the spring. She would be in bed by nine during the darker months. She would tell me that that was nothing, as a child she would be in bed by 5pm throughout the winter. Looking back I realise that my mother probably suffered with Seasonal Affective Disorder all her life but that wasn't something you heard of in those days. I, on the other hand, loved all the seasons. There was something special about them all but my most favourite was the autumn. I loved the colours and the scents. I loved how, as you stepped out of your door in your scarf and sweater, the cool autumn air seemed to wrap you in a hug. 

However, about twelve years ago all this changed. I found that I was weepy and miserable as soon as the dark months began to arrive. I would practically hibernate at times, I just did not want to go out or see people. Initially this happened just in the winter but gradually I started to get a hint of despondency as soon as autumn arrived. It was as though autumn meant that the sad season was coming and I was already preparing for it. Over a few years I went from loving the autumn to dreading it. My favourite season was suddenly gone and I waited for the spring.

Six years ago a consultant found that my vitamin D levels were exceptionally low and put me on some super strength Vitamin D tablets. My husband bought me a S.A.D. lamp. Friends offered to walk with me. People were determined to help me beat those winter blues.

When the pandemic hit and my daughter was home from university for 2020/21 she took me out walking every day of that winter and that hour walking each day helped stop me slipping into my usual malaise. Daylight certainly helps. Unfortunately last winter I was back to not going out if I could help it and, again, my mood wasn't so good. I could feel the gloom slipping in from early October.

This year, as September started to approach, I felt that familiar anxiety start to build, the expectation of feeling sad soon. But I decided that I'm going to try very hard not to let that happen. In winter it's the weather and lack of light, in September, for me, I think it's become a habit. A habit that I am going to break. Maybe my S.A.D will return again this winter, maybe not, but one thing I am sure of - I am not helping it along by setting myself up to be sad.

I have decorated for autumn and it is beautiful. I intend to go for regular walks and soak up the colours, the sights and the sounds of the season. I intend to join in the celebrations, Harvest, Hallowe'en, Bonfire night, Thanksgiving. I will bake seasonally. If we get bright days I will pop on a coat, make some hot chocolate and sit in my garden and soak up that beautiful daylight. I will read autumn poetry. I will wear autumn colours. I am determined that I will reclaim my love of this season and, who knows, maybe that will help me a little through the dark nights of winter. This winter there will be fairy lights and there will be hope. I will continue with my lists of feelgood activities to keep me on the up and I will do my very best this year to keep that positivity going. And if I slip some days, that is okay, maybe it will be fewer days than last year. Every step is a step forward and suffering from S.A.D. is not a failure, it's a struggle, a struggle against a feeling which on some days wins, but on some days doesn't and those days are a triumph.

My first step in the battle this year is to reclaim my love of autumn, which really is a beautiful season. Now that's not so difficult is it?

Weather

 

I live in England. One of the things that people in England are well know for is talking about the weather. Very often it's complaining about the weather -'It's too hot/Where is the summer?/Will it ever stop raining? It seems that the English are never happy weather wise. 

My Mum was not a typical Englishwoman. She loved the weather here and she taught me to love it too. She would say that the variety of weather was what made this such a great place to live. She would tell me that, much as she loved warm weather, she would hate to live somewhere where it was hot all the time. She loved the variety of weather that we have and that's something that I continue to share with her to this day. 

As a child if it poured with rain, and I would sulk because it meant that I couldn't play out with my friends, she would remind me that my Dad always said the reason our fields and gardens were so lush and green here was because we had plenty of rain and that rainy days were as important as sunny ones. I eventually learned to enjoy rain, the sound of it pattering down the windows, the smell of petrichor, the way it makes everywhere shine and I had plenty to do indoors anyway. It was time for more reading, colouring in, maybe try a new jigsaw puzzle, play board games with my Mum. One rainy day my Mum taught me to knit. A skill for which I am eternally grateful.

Now as an adult. I love all weathers - apart from gales. I have never learned to appreciate gales. Winds are fine. We used to go kite flying in good winds but gales, no, to me they are just scary and destructive.

In my 20s I went on a few hot beach holidays abroad. I have to say they were not for me. I'm not one for lying in the sun. I later enjoyed exploring the history and architecture of hot countries and those holidays were enjoyable but, by the middle of the second week, I was always ready to come home to our cooler temperatures.

Walking in the rain has always been a favourite pastime. I can remember in my late teens calling a friend to ask if she wanted to go for a walk and she replied "But it's pouring down" Bless her she came anyway, and she grew to love it too and when she met her husband started taking him for walks in the rain, despite his initial protestation of 'But it's pouring down.'

What of cloudy, cool summer's days that aren't as hot and sunny as we hope? Well, my mother would tell you that there is no such thing as the wrong weather, you're just wearing the wrong clothes. Those days are best for donning cardigans or coats and going walking or getting those outside jobs done that you get too uncomfortable doing in hot weather.

I struggle with winter. It's not the weather, it's the lack of light. I suffer from SAD. If I go out for a good long walk each day and soak up what daylight there is I am much happier than if I stay home. Unfortunately my SAD often works against me and tells me that it's not nice out there and I should stay home, then I get sadder about the gloomy weather. During Covid lockdown when my daughter was living at home she took me out walking every day and my spirits did not sink like they usually do. Making the effort to enjoy the weather, whatever comes, is good for both our physical and mental health. I aim to try much harder to do that again come next winter.

What I do love about winter is the frost on the ground and the leaves making beautiful patterns and glistening in the morning daylight. Snow is also one of my favourite weathers. Building snowmen, making snow angels and having a snowball fight with friends. I love the silence and stillness the snow leaves outside and I love just looking out over our garden covered with a beautiful white carpet. 

Please don't complain too much about our lovely weather. If it is cold dig out an extra jumper, wear a hat, scarf and gloves outside. Sometimes it's so nice walking when everyone else is staying indoors. If it rains don waterproofs and wellies and go anyway - we once sat through an outside Shakespeare performance in heavy rain. Bless the actors for carrying on. If it is very hot wear cotton, a sunhat and sunglasses. Remember, as my mother always said, that there is no such thing as the wrong weather, just the wrong clothes for it!