On The Importance of Niceness

One of the first things my mother ever told me was to 'be nice' and to 'play nice'. I didn't appreciate the importance of the life lesson she was teaching me at the time. My mother had many phrases to help prepare me for the world - sometimes, I'm ashamed to say, I forget some of them.

These days the word nice seems to be denigrated. Being nice is often seen as a sign of weakness and naivety. Believe me if you meet really nice people they are anything but. It takes a great deal of strength to be nice in this world, to not retaliate angrily when provoked - I try hard, but sometimes I fail. I always greatly admire those who can maintain their composure in the face of great provocation.

As a country I always thought that we were generally nice, polite and caring. Over recent years I have watched this vision collapse as I have watched politicians fight for the good of themselves, not their country. I have  watched powerful people manipulate and divide the population and some even encourage hatred and division. My country has changed from a place I loved to one I am often ashamed of.  The current political climate and newspapers encourage anger and I see so many people, who would have agreed to disagree, arguing vociferously. Sadly social media has given an extra voice to to this vitriol with people rising to bait and anger increasing.

So what can we do? My mother always told me to never retaliate with anger -'That's just lowering yourself to their level' Another favourite phrase of hers was 'Don't bear grudges, because while your sitting at home nursing your grudge, they're out dancing' Over the years I have seen the wisdom of her words. Whenever possible, when faced with an argumentative person who is not prepared to listen or debate, I walk away with my dignity intact. Indeed I am firmly of the opinion that when a person begins to yell, they have already lost the argument.

As I was leaving to start my first day at university I was quite anxious. My mother's advice was 'Just be kind' then she followed me out to the hall and added 'But don't let anyone walk over you!' Wise words from a wise woman. She taught me to stand up for myself too but in an assertive, not an aggressive manner. 'You can say no nicely Janet' As the saying goes 'it costs nothing to be nice' I try to be so whenever I can and I usually find that people are invariably nice in return. Over the years I have met a lot of very nice people and, from each of them I have learned a little more about the kind of person I would like to be, I'm not there yet. I hope I do get there one day. I try hard because I want my mother to look down and be proud of me.

If we all try hard to be a little kinder and a little nicer we can change the world for the better. Try random acts of kindness, a nice word or a compliment to brighten someone's day and don't rise to anger bait or get drawn into other people's aggressive worlds, Every time you refuse to retaliate there is a little less anger in the world - and you did that.

Shall we all make an agreement to try being a little nicer, a little kinder and a little more understanding? Each time we do we make this world a better place.

Oh and remember the words of the song 'Those hardest to love need it the most' - you could make a real difference in someone's life.

Above all - just play nice.