It's Too Peopley Out There

Yesterday and today I stayed home. It was just too peopley out there. It's been a busy few weeks and I'm all peopled out. When I hit this stage I can't visit, chat on the phone or interact at all. I may post odd things on social media, basically thoughts appearing in my head but I sure don't want to talk to anybody.

Often people find this strange because, as my Dad used to say 'You were vaccinated with a gramophone needle!' and when I feel sociable I can talk for England, you really can't shut me up. But then sometimes, like now, I get peopled out and I really need a cottage on its own in woodland and silence. Every little thing becomes something major. I'm already stressing that I have coffee duty at church coming up. What if I'm not sociable again by then? I'm letting people down, I'll have to go and then my stress level will escalate. Having ADHD often makes me overthink and over worry. Then my reset strategies stop working, because instead of resetting I just stress more over things that do not need stressing over and solutions do not sound viable.

We have neighbours carrying out building work, it has to be done but the noise when I need peace to reset is a big deal. At the moment any little thing is a big thing. I really need my reset time.

Perhaps this week I'll manage a walk along the beach or find some quiet time in my garden getting it ready for summer, just some time where my head doesn't have to think. 

I don't expect solutions or anything from anyone. Sometimes you just need to speak out into the void and hope that somewhere in that void your words will settle and your mind can then settle too. Spilling out those thoughts can make room in your head for silence and right now that's what I need - some silence in my head. When all is well I can empty my head totally and I relax (Many of my family ask how), but when I get to the all peopled out stage my head fills with thoughts and conversations and feels like it is too busy in there and will burst. 

But eventually my head will settle, the silence will come and I can carry on with the world, happy and content. In the meantime bear with me while I try to settle.

My, but autumn can be lovely

 

This past week astronomical autumn began and it came in with all its beauty and splendour. The weakening sun shone its best and the skies were blue. It was perfect weather for gardening, washing drying and walking. It was also chilly enough to need sweaters, snuggly socks and hot chocolates - basically perfect autumn weather.

In the garden I managed to get the lawns mown and tidy up. Just a little more is needed and my little garden will be ready for winter. At the moment it is still happily flowering. 

There are still lots of bees in the garden too which is good to see. They seem to be enjoying the last of the blooms on the hardy plumbago.

There are so many garden spiders about too. They always seem to wait until autumn and then make so many public appearances all around my garden and on my walks. I love to see their webs, so skilfully made. Garden spiders are another of the joys of autumn.

You may remember that last week I said that I might order a squirrel feeder for Mrs Tufty as she was eating the birds out of house and home emptying their feeders. Well it was ordered and arrived on Tuesday. I set it up and then wondered how I would teach the squirrels to use it. I needn't have worried, if there's food they will work it out.

As you can tell with that almost empty feeder, two of the squirrels have worked out how it works and are happily munching away and burying some treats for their less active time in winter. One, however, isn't the smartest fluffy in the drey and spends ages nosing and pushing up the perspex front (that slides out for cleaning) so that he can get underneath to the nuts! Sometimes he just totally gives up and the birds still miss out.

So that is what has been happening in the garden. In the kitchen it has been a busy baking week. Chilly weather encourages me to bake. I loved autumn at home because the house always smelled of my Mum's baking, maybe that's what kicks me off in autumn. This week I have made another sourdough loaf and focaccia and some apple flapjacks were made. Somewhere I went a bit wrong with the apple flapjacks, maybe added too much water stewing the apples, and they were a little soggy underneath but, as my Mum would tell you, they tasted okay and sometimes edible is the best you're going to get.

I mostly stuck to tried and trusted meals this week but, as Aldi are getting their winter squash in, I did make some pumpkin soup which went down well and there was some left to freeze for another day

Next week is a freezer week. I often cook meals for four when it's just my husband and I and when they've built up we have a freezer week. There are soups, pies, tuna fishcakes and stews in there so there will be nothing to tell you about in my kitchen next week because I'm having a lazy week.

Book news. 

This week I finished Chocolat by Joanne Harris.

This book has been in my pile for years. I picked it up at Broadhursts when someone recommended it but somehow I never quite started it. For years I have missed a treat, I absolutely loved it. I must say though that I have never drunk so much hot chocolate in one week, that book certainly starts you craving. I have now started Daniel Defoe's Robinson Crusoe which I admit to struggling a bit with. Seriously though, I know it was written in the early 1700s but who writes books without chapters? I'm never sure where to finish for the evening. I'm hoping that when he gets shipwrecked it becomes more exciting, at the moment I'm really not feeling it but I'll keep on keeping on and see how it goes.

Craft news I've finally finished hat one. Hat two has been requested with a pom pom. Fingerless mitts are done so then it will just be the snoods to make. I really am getting rather slow at knitting these days.

Well, that's this week's activities. I hope you all have a lovely new week xx

Eventually The Sun Shines Through

Well this has been a funny old week. Lots of rain, some things to be sorted that I really didn't want to, lots of dreadful things in the news, lots of rain and lots of dark, gloomy days. You know me with dark, gloomy days and I'm the same with dark, gloomy issues. So my mood took a sizeable dip and I had to step back from social media and news stories because I couldn't cope. I needed head reset time, this usually involves walks in nature but the rain just didn't stop this week so indoors it was.

I did manage one walk in the rain - to the library, books can be a good mood lifter I find, and then I walked on to pick up some craft things to make an autumn garland to brighten the room. Some fairy lights were added and that's it at the top of this blog. A little brightness to lift dark days.

As for this week in nature, well it wasn't really gardening weather so it was a case of watching through the window, lots of birds coming and going, including two pesky magpies who have been coming to steal Mrs Tufty's nuts. Mrs Tufty just stares at me through the window plaintively in the hope of a refill.

At my cousin's the wily old fox was waiting to greet me again.

I am always delighted to see just one but she tells me there are four or five out most nights, waiting for the neighbours to feed them.

Garden plan this coming week is 1) to buy a squirrel feeder to keep the magpies away from the monkey nuts, 2) to plant those autumn bulbs 3) to bring indoors the rest of the tomatoes to ripen 4) mow the lawns and tidy.

So how about cooking and baking this week? Well, I just managed to bake another sourdough loaf and then a wholemeal loaf in the breadmaker, no cakes I'm afraid. I made a new soup - cauliflower and walnut, which was tasty and much needed on a chilly day. I tried a new recipe for kimchi tacos too.

They were quite a hit and I will try them again.

The plan for next week is to bake another sourdough loaf, some focaccia and some apple flapjacks. I hope to try out a new soup and a new pasta dish too. I'll let you know how they go.

Book news is that I finished Ian Rankin's The Falls which was just super. I do love his Rebus books though I rarely get close to solving them till near the end. This one was really meaty with some historical references that set me off on some of my own research. I have now started Joanne Harris's Chocolat. It seems to have been in my TBR pile forever, I can't believe that it has taken me this long to begin it. I am really enjoying it though.

As Saturday's planned outing was washed out by torrential rain we visited the Walker Art Gallery to see the John Moores Painting Prize exhibition. It is free to visit and is so worth it, some amazing artworks on display. A wonderful way to spend a rainy day. We loved it.

My SAD lamp has been much needed this week and I frequently forgot to use it. Astronomical autumn begins tomorrow and there will be darker and more gloomy days ahead so I need to prepare for them and use it regularly. I know I'm not fun to be around when my SAD kicks in so I need to be ahead with my absorption of light.

Today, as you can see, it has not been needed. The blue skies have returned and the sun is shining. Eventually the sun always shines through, be it after bad weather days or bad life times. We all need to trust and believe that, even on the gloomiest of days. I hope some of this has been interesting. Wishing you all a wonderful new week, I hope that the sun shines for you xxx

Time For Cosiness, But Don't Forget Nature

 

This past week we seem to have well and truly left summer behind. It has been so much colder and so much wetter. The house has seemed darker and gloomier without the summer sun. I've accepted that summer is gone for another year and have got out my case of autumn/winter clothes and packed away the lighter ones. If we suddenly get some returning warm days I have t-shirts. I also have my blanket ready to snuggle on the sofa and new batteries for my fairy lights to cheer the house. Hot chocolate and chai latte mixes are being bought and I have begun to use my SAD lamp. My winter SAD hasn't kicked in yet but I think it's best to get ahead. I need to get out on some nature walks too now to soak up the vitamin D and remember to appreciate all that autumn has to offer. Sometimes it's easy to forget the beauty that's out there when the weather turns.

So how has this last week gone? Well, when the rain wasn't falling I managed to get the front garden tidied, more shrubs cut back and the beds weeded. It's generally looking a lot happier, There are still a few summer blooms out there and my cotoneaster (which some people use as a filler but I love) is at its autumnal best.

If you remember last week I was giving up on the tomatoes ripening but, if there is something I should have learned by now, gardening takes time and this week lots began to ripen. I had eight in a salad (my husband doesn't like them so more for me) and I'm looking forward to these ones being ready soon.

Elsewhere in the garden, Mrs Tufty has started coming more often, obviously stocking up for winter when she will slow down a little. Unfortunately the magpies have noticed where the monkey nuts go and are beginning to steal quite a few before she gets them. I may need to buy a squirrel feeder. The robin has obviously realised that it is autumn and is now a daily visitor for his lunch/dinner.

We have no other new visitors to the garden yet but I have heard the first of the overwintering geese flying above us to Martin Mere.

Plan for this coming week is to get out there and spend a little more time readying the garden for winter and planting some spring bulbs. I'm also hoping to gather the runner beans and some more tomatoes.

In the kitchen, the cold weather has set me baking and preparing for colder days. I made the first sourdough loaf of the year this week.

I also made a rosemary and raisin loaf,  some apple & sultana scones, an apple & raisin loaf (a bit soggy in the middle, would never pass Bake Off!) and some Paddington Bear Marmalade cakes. 

As it's getting colder the kitchen plans for this week are to bake another sourdough loaf, make a wholemeal loaf for sandwiches and start winter stews with dumplings. I'm going to try a new soup too - cauliflower and walnut cream. I may try some apple flapjacks if I have time, it all depends on the weather. If it's fine - I'll garden, if it rains - I'll bake.

Book news is that I finished Jenny Colgan's Meet Me at the Cupcake Cafe. I absolutely loved it. A light hearted romance with lots of super cake recipes to try. I've now started Ian Rankin's The Falls. I really enjoy Rebus mysteries and am thoroughly enjoying this one

So that's this week's news. I hope some of it was interesting for you and I wish you all have a lovely new week xx

Is Autumn Rushing Forward?

So autumn seems to be hastening on (not as much as in the photo though, that was taken last year). So many trees are already turning golden/brown and quite a few are shedding their leaves already. I was beginning to think that autumn was coming earlier with climate change. Then I read a Guardian article about how it is a false autumn. Apparently because of four heatwaves this summer the trees are under stress and are shedding their leaves early and so much is out of sync, nature wise. So climate change, yes, early autumn, no.

So how has this week gone?

Nature spotting - I went to visit my cousin and, as I stepped from the car, a beautiful fox appeared from behind it, obviously hoping that I would have food.

The garden has started getting busier with birds coming to feed - bluetits, great tits, blackbirds, goldfinches, magpies, feral pigeons. Soon I shall be expecting the collared doves, woodpigeons and starlings back.

The squirrels have been coming regularly. Mrs Tufty more regularly than usual but I notice that she has teats now so obviously has a family to feed. When she sees me through the window she has taken to standing on her back legs in a pleading manner and doesn't run when I go out, just waits for the monkey nuts. 

So this week I need to clean out the bird feeders again to protect them from bird flu, get a new mealworm feeder and buy extra sunflower hearts, peanuts and mealworms to fill them - oh and more monkey nuts for the squirrel families.

In the kitchen this week I have made some ciabattas and French country bread for the freezer for busier autumn/winter days. I haven't baked much else as I have been busy catching up with family and friends who were neglected over the busy summer. In the coming week I'll hopefully get the first sourdough loaf baked (the starter should be ready to use by Tuesday). Then the plan is to bake some focaccia to go with soup and to attempt an Italian rosemary and raisin loaf to go with soft cheeses.

For sweet baking I am still using up the apples from the trees so, assuming I have time, I hope to make apple and sultana scones, apple tea loaf cake and stew some apples for pies and crumbles later in the year. The freezer may well be full then, we'll see.

I always like to try new recipes so this week I'm going to try a cannellini beans and greens soup. Should be some to freeze too.

A new autumn dinner recipe to try this week will be mushroom, leek and chestnut pie. Just right for these cold evenings.

In the garden this week I have mostly been tidying - lawn mowing, cutting back trees, shrubs and died back summer plants such as monbretia in the back garden. Weather permitting I'll carry on with that this coming week, trimming and weeding the front garden and raking up some of the falling leaves. I may get some spring bulbs planted too. The runner beans are mostly ready so I shall pick them and we can have those with a meal sometime. Only three tomatoes have ripened so far, the rest remain green. I shall give them another week and then I shall concede defeat and look for some green tomato recipes.

Book wise this week I have finished King Solomon's Mines by H Rider Haggard. I enjoyed the adventure a lot more than I would have expected but I did struggle with the superior colonial mindset and demonstrations of hunting prowess. I do remember lecturers at university saying that some books had to be read as 'of their time'. This was definitely one of them and some of the attitudes would have gone unnoticed reading them in Victorian times I'm sure and it would be considered a fine adventure novel.

I have now begun a light romance book - Jenny Colgan's Meet me at the Cupcake Cafe which I am enjoying immensely.

Well that's this week's nature, cooking, gardening and book news. I hope I haven't bored you. I'll let you know next week how I get on with my plans. I hope you all have a wonderful week xx

The Year Is Hastening On

 

My goodness summer passed quickly this year and it was so busy. We had two graduations, lots of visits from the children and friends (including a wonderful week with my best friend), there's been house clearing, flat moving and there have been stays in hospital and visits to walk ins. Our daughter got engaged and started her first teaching job (schools go back in August in Scotland) and our youngest started the year in Industry part of their degree in another part of the country. It has been non stop. Unfortunately in all this chaos the garden has mostly been just ticking over and is in need of some real TLC.

So when meteorological autumn begins tomorrow the pace will begin to slow and that is much needed. Though I did promise a lot of people that we would meet up for lunch/coffee/walks once the busy summer passed so maybe not quite so quiet.

So what are my autumn plans?

1) I let my sourdough starter go so it's time to set a new one going. The bread is always welcome with cold weather soups.

2) The gardens will be trimmed back, tidied and the last of the fences painted before winter hopefully.

3) I will start regular nature walks. I need the exercise.

4) Apple pies, parkin and muffins will be baked then, later in the season, Christmas cake and pudding made.

5) I will get my knitting needles back out as I have promised two young ladies in Scotland hat, scarf and gloves sets before the really cold weather sets in

6) I will try some new autumn recipes to keep meals interesting. I may even be adventurous and buy one of these air fryers everyone is talking about and experiment with that.

7) I will take some time to slow down, wear snuggly sweaters and socks and sit under a cosy blanket with a hot drink and read exciting new books.

8) As the days get darker and gloomier I shall put up more fairy lights and candles and bring light into my home.

9) I have written the first of my feel good lists of activities so that I can try to get on top of my Winter SAD before it kicks in but I have my SAD lamp and I will try to get out walking and soak up as much daylight as I can.

So, in a nutshell, I intend to soak up the best of autumn and try to celebrate the slow, snuggly pace, and just make some time for me.

Well this is a little late

 

First of all, apologies for the lateness of this end of April blog. My excuse is tiredness and being a little poorly last week. Anyway here it finally is.

My decision at the beginning of the year was to try to live in the moment. This has been serving me well. Sometimes, however, it is not always possible. There are times when we have to fit around other people. April was one of those months. We had so many visitors and so many places booked for us to visit that our feet barely touched the ground. It has been both wonderful and exhausting. We have visited lovely places both locally and the length of the country from Devon to Edinburgh.

So what have I learned this month? Firstly, that I love my family and friends and think that the tiredness was worth all the travel for the time spent together. Secondly, that I'm not a spring chicken any more and I have to learn to pace myself. In future if I have one busy weekend I shall take the next weekend off before I have another busy one. Thirdly, as I learned during the pandemic, I am part hermit. I need my quiet time and that is okay, it is part of me - and part of living in the moment for me is finding moments to just be, to rest my head and do nothing. I will be sure to allocate alone time in future, it is needed. For me too much rushing from one thing and one conversation to another is too much, sometimes I have to just be.

We are each of us different some need to be constantly surrounded by people and out all the time but some of us need lots of quiet hibernation time too. Both are valid. What is important in life is to find out who you were meant to be and to be that person. As my Mum would tell you, the people who really matter will accept you for who you are, even if that is different to them.

So what about May? Well I intend to take a few weeks to just be quiet and antisocial to reset my head, then I will maybe join in with some of the exciting events of the month. I've already missed May Day/Beltane/International Workers' Day. I missed the Dawn Chorus and Beating the Bounds yesterday - which was also Orthodox Easter (I'm happy to share your chocolate if you are celebrating). 

So what is to come?

9th May   Ascension Day - I may buy some white and yellow flowers for my porch and redecorate it in a white and yellow theme. Today is also Europe Day a day for celebrating peace and unity in Europe. I may add the flag of Europe to my porch display.

12th May  International Nurses Day - Florence Nightingale's birthday and a day to  remember all the wonderful nurses around the world.  

Today is also National Children's Day in the UK a day to focus on the importance of a healthy childhood and protecting the rights of children. Plenty to think about in our country where some children go to school hungry. Even if a foodbank donation is all I can do today I will do that.

19th May  Whit Sunday - I always remember my mother telling me that, as children, she and my aunt were always bought new clothes for Whit Sunday. I may treat myself to a new dress for church this year.

20th May    World Bee Day - to raise the importance of our pollinators and to ensure our gardens are bee friendly. Today I may plant extra bee lavender, they seem to like that.

26th May  Towel Day - for those of us who love Douglas Adams (thank you for getting me into University Mr Adams) today is a day for openly carrying your towel around all day because as every Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy fan knows you Don't Panic and you always carry a towel.

29th May - National Biscuit Day - I may try a new biscuit recipe today

So, as you see, there is plenty to keep me busy in May, if that's what I choose, but I will also find time to rest and just be me. There is a time for everything and, as I am learning this year, which it is will be decided on the day.

How Goes the Reprogramming?

Goodness we are at the end of March already (a few days early I know but we have so many visitors coming this weekend that the blog will have to be a little premature this month), spring has sprung - look at the tulips and daffodils, not the rain hitting the window! All is well with the world.

You may remember that at the start of the year I decided that I would attempt to destress myself and try to live one day at a time and not always be worrying about tomorrow. So, how is that going? On the whole pretty well. Some outing plans have gone awry but we just re-planned the day and had fun anyway. We've had visits from and to family and friends and they have always brought a smile to my face.

So is it all tickety-boo, and have I become worry free? Of course not, I'm still human after all. In the middle of the month a relative was rushed to hospital and remained seriously ill for a while. No worry Janet stopped even attempting to be no worry. Once I got over the initial shock I did tell myself that there was nothing I could do apart from be here. Illness really is something you have to take one day at a time. Of course I didn't stay that calm about it and the stress did start to build up and, despite pottering about as usual, I started to get rather angsty about many things, a lot of them things that I didn't need to be angsty about. Just as I was starting to get really stressed, thanks to our wonderful NHS, the relative turned a corner and began to pick up and continues to improve, I'm pleased to say.

To help reset my head my wonderful husband took me on a day trip to my most magical of places - Haworth, home of my beloved Bronte sisters. We had a super day, the Parsonage displays were as good as always and we even got to wear hats!

Of course from the Parsonage we carried on to Heptonstall to visit Sylvia Plath's grave and the ruins of the old church of St Thomas a Becket which I can just wander round for ages. Two places that for some reason always make me feel peaceful and contemplative.

So, a little better news and a visit to two of my favourite places and my head was resetting. It was time to get back on track and look for the best part of each day, and there are so many good parts of each day. I have a lovely family, wonderful friends, a roof over my head, food to eat and a pretty little garden and that is just to start.

Soon we move into April, such a pretty month and my head reprogramming continues. I shall keep taking one day at a time and see what comes. So what is happening in April that I can possibly dip into when the days come round?

1st April - Easter Monday and a chance to relax with family and enjoy the Bank Holiday - guess who'll be reading?

As it's also April Fools Day it might be a good day to research some famous fools.

9th April - Eid al-Fitr - the Islamic celebration of the end of Ramadan - a good day to bake and give it to neighbours.

10th April - Tonight there is a brief close approach of the Moon and Jupiter, starting in the West at about 20:30 so a good time to do a little sky gazing.

14th April - St Tiburtius' Day - this is the day when cuckoos traditionally start singing so will be a super day for a nature walk.

22nd April - Passover begins - maybe time for me to learn a little more about this celebration. It's a long time since, at college, we went to a Passover meal as part of our studies.

23rd April - St George's Day - time for me to learn a little more about St George and why he became our patron saint. Maybe a god day to bake a nice cake too.

23rd April is also the start of the Asparagus season so this is a good time to find some new asparagus recipes.

As the days get lighter this month is also a good time to take some pleasant walks, visit family and friends more and spend a little more time in the garden. But let's not plan too much - I'll decide on the day!

Now all that is left for me to do is wish a Very Happy Easter to those who celebrate xxx

So How is it Going? (can we really live worry-free like a child?)

 

On Friday we enter March. At the start of the year I said that I was going to work hard at living in the moment rather than planning endlessly and worrying about not getting things done or what's going to happen next. I've always been an anxious adult but I'm reaching the age where I realise what a lot of time I wasted worrying about things that never actually happened and how I never did worry like that as a child. "2024 is to be the year I rediscover my inner child I said."

So, how is it going? On the whole pretty well. I'm learning to step back, that I don't have to do everything right away, that it's okay not to complete every task I used to plan so meticulously. And I'm feeling happier for it. I don't think I've actually hit one S.A.D. slump this year. As I said last month this could be because my Vitamin D levels are finally normal but I also think it's helped that I have stopped piling stress onto myself. Even the weather isn't getting to me. I talk about it a lot but it isn't getting to me.

Well that all sounds good doesn't it? Well done Janet. But is it all perfect? No, though it would be odd if it was really. I have a new thing to work on. I still get anxious and have the odd sleepless night worrying about the children and decisions they have to make in their futures. That's it you see, I have to remind myself that it's THEIR futures and THEIR decisions. That is my new 'To work on'. I have to remember that they are all grown up now - strong, intelligent people quite capable of deciding their futures for themselves. If they want advice they will ask for it. What if they make a wrong decision? It will mean that they are human (if there is one person on this earth who has never made a wrong decision then they are an alien life form) and it will help them grow too. It is not my job to interfere, it is my job to trust them to decide for themselves and to be there should they make a mistake and need me. That is what a mother's job is - to raise your children to be strong, confident adults and then to trust them to go out into the world on their own, fearlessly independent but knowing that there is back up at home should they need it. So what should I work on? Reminding myself (as Mark Rylance's character in Bridge of Spies would advise) that there is no point in  worrying, it won't help. That is my next part of learning to live in the moment. It may take a while, as most wise changes do but I will work at it.

This month has been a fun one, mostly deciding on the day. Eating out, visiting places, decorating, realising that our winter weather really isn't as bad as I think (while knitting my weather blanket). We have celebrated Chinese New Year, Valentine's Day, Pancake Day and entered Lent. We've celebrated special birthdays and had an impromptu tour of our local Catholic church courtesy of a very kind priest who saw us taking photos and admiring the area. If you ever get the chance, St Mary's Church in Little Crosby Village is beautiful and well worth a visit. When you are given its history by someone who knows it so well and has fun stories about it it's even better.

So what about March. As I say, I intend to work at being a more relaxed Mum. Apart from that I've looked in my almanac and it's a very busy month. If I need something to distract me there's:

1st March -  St David's Day, time to maybe bring more daffodils in to my porch display and get back to practising my Welsh on Duolingo.

5th March - St Piran's Day - patron saint of Cornwall and tin miners. If it's a rainy day it might be a good day to research him and make a clotted cream tea.

8th March - International Women's Day - A day to think about the women's rights movement, to focus on gender equality, reproductive rights and violence and abuse against women. 

10th March - Mothering Sunday - a day to be grateful to all our mothers and those who have acted like one in our lives. (also a day off for me)   

              Ramadan also begins today at sundown. Maybe time I learned about this again. It's a long time since I studied other faiths at university.

13th March - Today (if the night is clear) you can see a close approach of the moon and Jupiter. They'll appear at dusk in the southwest at about 18:30 and will set at 22:20 in the northwest.

17th March - St Patrick's Day - a good day to learn some of the history of Ireland and maybe read some poetry by W. B. Yeats or Seamus Heaney.

20th March - Spring Equinox - the beginning of astronomical spring. A great day to take a walk and admire nature.

23rd March - Purim begins at sundown. Again maybe time I learned more.

24th March - Mercury is furthest from the sun and easiest to see. It can be seen for a few days before and after this date. Look in the direction of sunset closest to the horizon from about 19:00.

25th March - Holi, more to be learned and spring celebrated.

31st March - Easter Sunday - the most important date of the year in my faith and one for celebration. Maybe we'll even have the weather for an outside picnic.

As you can see there is plenty to do in March. I won't do them all. I'm deciding my life one day at a time these days and I have so many fun things to enjoy as well as practical things to do. It's just nice to have things to refer back to as days come round. 

So the plan is to continue to live in the moment, get out walking and to focus on worrying less. Every step forward is an achievement and every slip is a reminder that I am still human but I know that I can try again. Life is brighter just with the steps that I have taken. Now it's time that I stopped prattling, today is a beautifully sunny day so it's best to crack on and enjoy it.

I'll check in again as April approaches and let you know how my inner child is getting on.

On trying to relearn living in the present

Well, I said that I would check in at the end of January and let you know how my trying to live in the present was going. If you remember my last blog, at the start of the year I said that I would stop planning, stop making far too many lists, as they were constraining me, and try to take each day as it comes just as I did in childhood. So how is that going?

The short answer is - very well. I have really surprised myself. I used to set myself lists of chores to do for that day and if I didn't get through them all I felt like a failure. Many days I would skip walks or fun things because I knew if I did those then I wouldn't get through all my chores. How ridiculous is that? Very, I know. This year, so far, the only lists that have been made are menus, shopping lists and feel-good activity lists and do you know something - life has been so much easier and so much happier.

My son and I had trips out and I didn't worry about catching up on chores when I got home, I took lots of walks and really enjoyed them - and the house didn't get dirty and the washing didn't pile up. Even when Covid hit it didn't cause my usual winter SAD to kick in. I was miserable for a few days because I felt rotten but, once I was over the worse, I slept, read and knitted and I didn't worry about what wasn't getting done. By the time I got the negative test I was a bit fed up of the indoors but that was it, no big worry. I continue to take each day as it comes.

On the first of January I started to knit a weather blanket. Even that has helped my mood.

Usually I only remember the gloomy overcast days in January but just look at that blanket, yes there have been overcast days but do you see how many days of blue skies and sunshine we have had too?

January has been a rather fine month considering - even with the two storms (The green rows are the strong winds) - and that isn't a bad start to a year. We've embraced Hygge here and had lots of fairy lights to brighten the gloomy days, warm blankets, snuggly socks and hot chocolates. My husband made lambswool (a hot cider drink with roasted apples) and we went out to wassail our apple trees on old twelfth night. We sang wassailing songs, talked to and blessed the trees, hung toast on the branches and scattered some of the lambswool around the roots. We then sat to watch the stars for a while as we drank our lambswool. Unfortunately I was coming down with Covid and didn't stay out as long as I would have but it was fun. Can't wait for next year.

I usually have my reading planned out months in advance too. Something else that was constraining. This month I have picked up whatever book I felt like at the time and I have really had fun with my reading.

As I have enjoyed living in the moment so much I am going to continue through February. I shall live one day at the time. I have had a look at my almanac to see what events/celebrations are coming up and I may try to join in with some of those:

1st February is Imbolc, also known as Saint Brigid's Day. It marks the beginning of spring. I shall get myself out walking again, look for signs of spring around me and enjoy the daily progress of nature. I may change my porch display to be more spring like and colourful too.

1st February is also the start of LGBTQ+ history month - the theme this year is Medicine #UnderTheScope - a prompt to celebrate the work of LGBTQ+ people that have made significant contributions to the field of medicine. It's also an opportunity to shine a light on the discrimination and inequalities that LGBTQ+ people have historically experienced in healthcare settings, and still face to this day. I intend to educate myself more about this.

2nd February is Candlemas - a celebration of the presenting of Christ at the Temple. It's also the time to take down your Christmas trees if they are still up. Snowdrops used to be known as Candlemas bells because that was the time you were sure to see them. I may go on a snowdrop hunt on this day.

10th February is the Lunar New Year - Chinese New Year, this year it is the Year of the Greenwood Dragon. Another good time to celebrate. We have lots of events in Liverpool City Centre for this and I think that I may cook up a Chinese banquet too.

February 13th is Shrove Tuesday and my lovely daughter will be home for half term so we shall make pancakes together with lots of  different fillings

February 14th is St Valentine's Day - a day to celebrate love, not just romantic love but the love between parents and children, the love between friends and the love we share with pets. It's a genuinely all round positive day, just celebrating love in its many forms.

February 29th is leap day - we have a whole extra day this year. My plan is to decide on the day but do something really fun to celebrate having the gift of an extra day to the year.

So that's some of the celebrations that I may join in with but most of all I intend to live in and for the moment. I shall look for the joy and the gifts of each day, celebrate them and hopefully find as much happiness in February as I did in January.

To Live Like A Child

 

Time moves on. That is one thing that I do know. Time most definitely moves on. My mother knew that and she taught me to make the most of every moment and, sadly, that is one thing that I have forgotten in recent years. When my winter SAD kicks in I spend my time wishing for the arrival of spring and the lighter days. I start making spring and summer plans to give me 'something to look forward to'. My Mum would tell me "You're wishing your life away Janet" and, do you know something, she would be right. I have spent a lot of winters doing just that and wasting precious moments of my life. Following a discussion with a friend a few years back who also suffers with SAD we decided that something that helps our moods is doing things we did in childhood - maybe colouring, reading a favourite book from childhood, watching a favourite childhood movie, all these things seem to help just a little.

Lately, when I have felt my mood begin to dip I have thought a lot about that. This time of year is always hard because we seem to have had a lot of sad things happen in December/January over the years. my Mum would tell me they don't happen more at this time of year, it's just that you notice them more and remember them more because of the season. If I made a record I'm sure that I'd find sad events spread evenly throughout the year - and happy ones too. Again my Mum would be right. The more I have thought about my childhood recently the more I have realised that sad things happened then too but somehow I handled them better. Why? Because I was a child and I lived in the moment. I was sad about sad events but then I moved on and enjoyed whatever was coming next. I didn't dwell. As a child if you've done something wrong you apologise and move on. As an adult you can dwell about how you made a wrong decision and who it affected. Dwelling doesn't do anybody any good. You can't change the past, but you can learn from it and use it to move forward and be better next time just as children do. You learn right through your life and you grow through it.

So my only resolution for 2024 is to take a leaf from my childhood book and live in the moment. I won't go into January thinking I must plan something for the spring/summer to give me something to look forward to. I will live in January, and in February and onwards. With a Christmas voucher I bought a 2024 Almanac to help me focus on each month. I will look at celebrations, the night sky, folklore, tide times (I live on the coast, I should know them), nature etc. I will take walks and celebrate the area in which I live and the seasonal changes about me.

Just looking at January I already have:

1) New Year's Day which is also International Self Care Day a day to think about our mental and physical health, to take some time to plan how to look after ourselves for a whole year (or maybe just one day at a time) - and when we are on top form we can look after others so we're helping them too with our necessary pauses to recharge.

2) On the 3rd and 4th January it is the peak of the Quadrantid meteor shower. You never know we may get some clear skies on one of those nights and how better to spend an evening than making a hot chocolate, wrapping up warm and going out to watch a shower in the skies.

3) 5th January is Twelfth Night - the day to take down the decorations, start the Christmas cake and read some festive poetry

4)  6th January isThe Feast of the Epiphany - for this year I intend to celebrate by reading T S Eliot's Ariel Poems and playing some Epiphany carols on my piano.

5) 17th January - this is old Twelfth Night, before the Gregorian calendar, and the date that many people still choose for wassailing. We intend to wassail the apple trees in our garden, though this year we must tell the neighbours before they wonder what on earth is going on with the clanging of pans and caterwauling in the garden.

6)  20th January - the moon visits Pleiades - the moon passes by the Pleiades star cluster, you can spot the star cluster through binoculars and you may be able to spot the moon in the same view if you have wide field binoculars. The moon will only be a week away from being full so should be very bright. How beautiful will that look?

7) 25th January - Burns Night - a night for Haggis, Neeps and Tatties, listening to Scottish music and reading Robert Burns' poetry

8)  27th/28th January Is the RSPB Big Garden Birdwatch

9) 31st January is National Hot Chocolate Day - if it's a clear night wrap up warm, make a hot chocolate with all the trimmings and sit out on a garden bench and star gaze.

So January has many delights and if I add in walks, appreciating all my local borough has to offer, and making a note of seasonal vegetables and cooking with the season it will keep me busy. My Almanac tells me to make a space for each month to bring nature into the house - just like the Nature tables of my youth. I shall try to change my porch display each month, maybe nature, maybe something else, and I shall work on improving my garden, another seasonal activity. With all that and my books I should be kept very busy.

I think that I am going to enjoy living in the moment in 2024. I shall let you know at the end of January how it is going and maybe tell you some of my plans for February. I know some days I will find it hard but I will try to make myself go out and walk even on rainy days because that bit of daylight makes all the difference as, I think, will taking one day at a time. Wish me luck xx

On Learning To Love Autumn Again

My mother always struggled with winter. Her happiness returned with the spring. She would be in bed by nine during the darker months. She would tell me that that was nothing, as a child she would be in bed by 5pm throughout the winter. Looking back I realise that my mother probably suffered with Seasonal Affective Disorder all her life but that wasn't something you heard of in those days. I, on the other hand, loved all the seasons. There was something special about them all but my most favourite was the autumn. I loved the colours and the scents. I loved how, as you stepped out of your door in your scarf and sweater, the cool autumn air seemed to wrap you in a hug. 

However, about twelve years ago all this changed. I found that I was weepy and miserable as soon as the dark months began to arrive. I would practically hibernate at times, I just did not want to go out or see people. Initially this happened just in the winter but gradually I started to get a hint of despondency as soon as autumn arrived. It was as though autumn meant that the sad season was coming and I was already preparing for it. Over a few years I went from loving the autumn to dreading it. My favourite season was suddenly gone and I waited for the spring.

Six years ago a consultant found that my vitamin D levels were exceptionally low and put me on some super strength Vitamin D tablets. My husband bought me a S.A.D. lamp. Friends offered to walk with me. People were determined to help me beat those winter blues.

When the pandemic hit and my daughter was home from university for 2020/21 she took me out walking every day of that winter and that hour walking each day helped stop me slipping into my usual malaise. Daylight certainly helps. Unfortunately last winter I was back to not going out if I could help it and, again, my mood wasn't so good. I could feel the gloom slipping in from early October.

This year, as September started to approach, I felt that familiar anxiety start to build, the expectation of feeling sad soon. But I decided that I'm going to try very hard not to let that happen. In winter it's the weather and lack of light, in September, for me, I think it's become a habit. A habit that I am going to break. Maybe my S.A.D will return again this winter, maybe not, but one thing I am sure of - I am not helping it along by setting myself up to be sad.

I have decorated for autumn and it is beautiful. I intend to go for regular walks and soak up the colours, the sights and the sounds of the season. I intend to join in the celebrations, Harvest, Hallowe'en, Bonfire night, Thanksgiving. I will bake seasonally. If we get bright days I will pop on a coat, make some hot chocolate and sit in my garden and soak up that beautiful daylight. I will read autumn poetry. I will wear autumn colours. I am determined that I will reclaim my love of this season and, who knows, maybe that will help me a little through the dark nights of winter. This winter there will be fairy lights and there will be hope. I will continue with my lists of feelgood activities to keep me on the up and I will do my very best this year to keep that positivity going. And if I slip some days, that is okay, maybe it will be fewer days than last year. Every step is a step forward and suffering from S.A.D. is not a failure, it's a struggle, a struggle against a feeling which on some days wins, but on some days doesn't and those days are a triumph.

My first step in the battle this year is to reclaim my love of autumn, which really is a beautiful season. Now that's not so difficult is it?

Weather

 

I live in England. One of the things that people in England are well know for is talking about the weather. Very often it's complaining about the weather -'It's too hot/Where is the summer?/Will it ever stop raining? It seems that the English are never happy weather wise. 

My Mum was not a typical Englishwoman. She loved the weather here and she taught me to love it too. She would say that the variety of weather was what made this such a great place to live. She would tell me that, much as she loved warm weather, she would hate to live somewhere where it was hot all the time. She loved the variety of weather that we have and that's something that I continue to share with her to this day. 

As a child if it poured with rain, and I would sulk because it meant that I couldn't play out with my friends, she would remind me that my Dad always said the reason our fields and gardens were so lush and green here was because we had plenty of rain and that rainy days were as important as sunny ones. I eventually learned to enjoy rain, the sound of it pattering down the windows, the smell of petrichor, the way it makes everywhere shine and I had plenty to do indoors anyway. It was time for more reading, colouring in, maybe try a new jigsaw puzzle, play board games with my Mum. One rainy day my Mum taught me to knit. A skill for which I am eternally grateful.

Now as an adult. I love all weathers - apart from gales. I have never learned to appreciate gales. Winds are fine. We used to go kite flying in good winds but gales, no, to me they are just scary and destructive.

In my 20s I went on a few hot beach holidays abroad. I have to say they were not for me. I'm not one for lying in the sun. I later enjoyed exploring the history and architecture of hot countries and those holidays were enjoyable but, by the middle of the second week, I was always ready to come home to our cooler temperatures.

Walking in the rain has always been a favourite pastime. I can remember in my late teens calling a friend to ask if she wanted to go for a walk and she replied "But it's pouring down" Bless her she came anyway, and she grew to love it too and when she met her husband started taking him for walks in the rain, despite his initial protestation of 'But it's pouring down.'

What of cloudy, cool summer's days that aren't as hot and sunny as we hope? Well, my mother would tell you that there is no such thing as the wrong weather, you're just wearing the wrong clothes. Those days are best for donning cardigans or coats and going walking or getting those outside jobs done that you get too uncomfortable doing in hot weather.

I struggle with winter. It's not the weather, it's the lack of light. I suffer from SAD. If I go out for a good long walk each day and soak up what daylight there is I am much happier than if I stay home. Unfortunately my SAD often works against me and tells me that it's not nice out there and I should stay home, then I get sadder about the gloomy weather. During Covid lockdown when my daughter was living at home she took me out walking every day and my spirits did not sink like they usually do. Making the effort to enjoy the weather, whatever comes, is good for both our physical and mental health. I aim to try much harder to do that again come next winter.

What I do love about winter is the frost on the ground and the leaves making beautiful patterns and glistening in the morning daylight. Snow is also one of my favourite weathers. Building snowmen, making snow angels and having a snowball fight with friends. I love the silence and stillness the snow leaves outside and I love just looking out over our garden covered with a beautiful white carpet. 

Please don't complain too much about our lovely weather. If it is cold dig out an extra jumper, wear a hat, scarf and gloves outside. Sometimes it's so nice walking when everyone else is staying indoors. If it rains don waterproofs and wellies and go anyway - we once sat through an outside Shakespeare performance in heavy rain. Bless the actors for carrying on. If it is very hot wear cotton, a sunhat and sunglasses. Remember, as my mother always said, that there is no such thing as the wrong weather, just the wrong clothes for it!

The Call of the Sea

 

The picture above is of our lovely Crosby beach, within walking distance of my home. It is a beautiful place to visit and a wonderful place to think. 

There is an old saying by Martin Buxbaum:

“I have seen the sea when it is stormy and wild; when it is quiet and serene; when it is dark and moody. And in all its moods, I see myself”

I love that saying and sometimes wonder whether that is why I love the sea so much, because it has all the same moods as I do. If I am happy I go down to our beach and appreciate its beauty. If  I am sad I take myself down there, sit and have a cry then walk and walk along the sands to work it out. If I am cross I visit the beach and walk and walk and listen to the rhythm of the waves and it calms me down, as though it's saying 'Hush, how is this anger helping, calm down, think reasonably'. The beach and sea  is my friend and my counsellor. In all times of my life it's been there to listen, to calm and to smile with me.

A few years ago my husband and I were considering moving when he retires. We were looking at a variety of places and I suddenly said 'Unless it's by the coast or a river I'm not going, I couldn't settle'. Up to that point I hadn't realised how much I need the flow of water around me. I told this to my daughter and she said that she fully understood, that she couldn't settle fully inland either. We are coastal girls and always will be.

I take walks along our beach throughout the year. I especially like it early morning or outside of summer when it is quiet and I can walk with just my thoughts, the gulls and the waves lapping along the sands. Just walking along there grounds me, settles me and assures me that all is okay. You'll often find a walk along the beach on my 'feelgood activities list'. The beach is in my blood. I remember visiting it as a little girl with my Dad who would tell me to listen to those waves talking - maybe that's why I find them comforting. He would also point out the ships on the Mersey and tell me all the far away countries they were sailing to and that one day I could sail and explore anywhere in the world if I wanted to. As a small child this seemed amazing, I could be an explorer, an adventurer, because my Dad told me so. I often wonder what he would think if he knew how unadventurous I actually am.

My favourite holidays have always been at the seaside. Much as I love my Brontës and their moors, a few days is long enough away from the coast. Every summer my Dad would take our family to the Isle of Man for our summer holidays. We would stay in Laxey, exploring the island but always returning to the reassurance of that pebble beach and those lapping waves. My Dad passed away when I was still very young and, though we didn't go back to the Isle of Man, my Mum would always take me for a seaside holiday and I always loved it. Give me sand, rock pools and shells and I am happy.

When we married my husband booked us a wonderful honeymoon on the Isle of Lewis. We had two weeks of glorious weather and our cottage was right on a beach. We didn't see another soul on our beach for the two weeks just us, the sands and the waves. We explored the coast too and watched the seals around the island, it was heaven.

One of my favourite day trips when up north is out to the Farne Islands to watch the birds there, puffins if you go in May. I love it there and never want to leave. I feel like I'm making my own wildlife documentary, or as the kids will tell you "Mum, that's a lot of photos of birds and seals!"

Last year was our silver wedding anniversary and my husband asked me where I would like to go to celebrate for a week. Just the two of us. I immediately replied 'Anglesey'. We had the most wonderful week and we explored many beaches there. I just relaxed and smiled the whole week because we were by the sea and I so love the sea. 

My son sometimes asks me whether I would like to go to space one day. The reply is "Not until they find a planet with a nice beach with the waves lapping up".

I do have other interests, I love museums and art galleries and I really enjoy exploring stately homes but, at some point, I must return to my lovely beach and answer the call of the sea.

On realising that I am becoming a recluse and also realising that it's okay

 

In 2020 the country went into lockdown. Many people struggled with that. It was a difficult time and affected their mental health. For me my mental health actually improved. I have realised this in conversations with my daughter over recent days. She said to me ''You were happiest of all when you were in lockdown". I have realised that she is actually right. I can talk to anybody I meet but I also need my quiet time - and I need a lot of it. 

During lockdowns I focused on my little family, my garden, reading and going for walks. It was my idea of heaven. I hadn't realised but a lot of my anxiety is caused by having to meet people on a regular basis. This is no reflection on them - my friends and extended family are wonderful but my mind requires quiet, I need quiet - more than I ever realised. During all the lockdowns I was calm, I was relaxed and I was mostly happy, even with the fear of contracting the virus. I did have that fear but the fear of not having my own time and thoughts and having to socialise was removed and my head had time to be calm. 

When we go on summer holidays we always book a cottage in the middle of nowhere and I relax in the peace with my books. I look at the busy holidays in bustling places others choose and I feel stressed just looking at them. I am sure they feel stressed looking at the remote places I choose to visit. The thing is we are who we are and we all need to know that that is okay, even if it is different from others.

Since lockdowns were lifted many friends have suggested meeting up, going out for meals and having get togethers. It's what everyone else had been waiting for. For me it has been so stressful. I try to space people out, I try to explain that big get togethers are not for me. I know that I seem odd, yet during those enforced times away from the world I discovered who I am - I am a partial recluse, I need my peace, I need my space. I often say to my husband that I'd like to move away somewhere remote. that I can't handle people. My idea of heaven. I could plan my social time, well spaced out and with space to arrange a get together long in advance.

I used to volunteer to join in so much and help with many things but I've come to realise that that also causes me a lot of stress so I do it less and less. At first I felt guilty but I'm gradually realising that I'm just becoming who I am and telling myself that that is okay.

A friend once said 'but you chat away on social media', she's right, sometimes I do but the advantage of that is that when I have reached my social limit, I can put my tablet down, walk away and read a book, sit in the garden and watch the birds or just sit quietly. 

I have come to realise that I am who I am and who I am is a part time social recluse. Sometimes I need a few weeks away from everybody to just take some quiet time to reset myself. I like quiet, I like space, I like time to clear my thoughts, I like time alone in my garden, at a nature reserve or on the beach and that is okay. My children are social being who love being out doing things. That is who they are, and that is okay too. It has taken me over fifty years to discover who I am. So, please forgive me if I cancel plans, decline an invitation or just go off grid for a few weeks. I just need my quiet time to be me and, as my daughter tells me, being me is okay, stepping back is okay. I can still chat for England if I meet you on one of my walks but I need far more quiet time alone than I ever realised before Lockdowns.

It's just finally time to become who I am.